It has been a while since I checked in here.  I took a moment myself to read back through the blog and see "where I was". 🙂 I am still in the same place, praying and reading about how to continue with these older ages.  A favorite phrase of mine is, Start off in the Way you want to Go, and you’ll get there". Its a simple little ditty, but it reminds me to do what I need to do with the boys while they are young, and we won’t have alot of changing to do later.  The Lord brought me to this great book called Romancing a Child’s Heart by Monte Swan.  It is a wonderful story driven study on how we are to Romance their Hearts to Us, Romancing their hearts to Christ and visa versa. I had been changed in heart when I read Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Ted Tripp.  In this theory we look at the actions of the child through their heart.  Remembering to focus on their lack of respect of property or their disobedience of a family rule say rather than screaming that they broke an object or getting mad at them for something they "did".  Each thing they DO points to whats in their heart.  Working on teaching them God’s character, changes their character, which changes their actions.  Focusing on your childs’ behavior, getting to a point where you can be proud of them, nit picking every little action they take, can lead to rebellion, and will never lead them to Christ and obedience through faith or love of you or the Lord.   This focus really changed our household, I see not only my children but other children through the eyes of their hearts character.  I can have alot more patience for seemingly bad /poor behavior, if I know their hearts intent.  However, I can have little sympathy and quick discipline for actions that I can see are fueled by an angry, selfish, tired or disobedient heart. 

 

Monte Swan’s Book, however, brings it one step further, into the every day relm. Into the older ages even. After the Character has been set as well. His great example that I loved, is what Christ did for Us.  He became like us, told us stories that explained who He was, Helped us to trust Him by showing us who He was, spent time day and night doing what we were doing, and spending the time talking with us. We could know Him. We can know that He understands us. Through knowing who He is, it is easy to fall in Love with Him.  The same works for our children.  It is usually easy for parents of younger children, especially your first child, to go to their room, and play on the floor, be at their level, see everything that excites them. Oh the joy of the smile from a great game of peek a boo.  Or the shrill of laughter when the blocks tumble down. The joy of the first steps. We will do anything, tired or not, for that smile and seal of approval of the giggle.  However, the world seems to be training us, that as they get older, that this one on one activity is not needed. We forget to see what it is that they do that brings the smile of accomplishement. We forget to daily see what it is that drives them to "build the blocks higher".  This year seems to be a critacal moving mark for my 9 year old son as he moves to being ten.  He likes to have time away, and feel important for doing things on his own.  I spent time this summer, letting him do just that. I felt that it was what was needed, especially for a young boy homeschooling all the time. But what I failed to do, according to interpretation from Monte Swan, is I failed to put mentors in place to continue the role that I had as romancer of his heart.  I sent him out to find things and people who would woo him.  I agree with Monte, that it is his Father’s role mostly now, that he needs to spend alot of time with.  Our family is lucky to have such a dad who loves to spend one on one time with the boys searching for rocks and reptiles. The biggest thing in the book for me, was on a the whole, what we were doing was right, and there wasn’t a need for a change of direction just because Nate was getting older, or hitting a certain grade.  That the best thing we could do was too woo him each day, and now, be on the look out for mentors in his areas of interest, that can teach him things I can’t and keep the romance going.  In the beginning of the book, I had a hard time with this word romance.  It seems so intimate to me. So almost embarrasing. But I saw that it was the only word that would fit.  We have a great responsiblity to shephard our childrens hearts, and their lives. To gently guide them and direct them in the way that they should go. But it is so easy to turn that into a task. Do it or else. Your are too old to do this the wrong way young man. And rebellion and sink in to a young man’s heart to go against tasks he is forced to do.  Whats missing is the one on one intimate time with their hearts.  Like Jesus, we need to become like them. Do what they do. Tell them stories. Woo them. Show them that we understand them. Spend time hanging out where they are. Know their friends. Bring their friends along. Show them who we are. Show them who we love. Show them what we love to do.  The will be brought along to love us, and love what we love, and most importantly, love WHO we love.  It is a warning though, to put things into your daily life, that you want them to love. I had to ask myself, what am I doing, that I love more than spending time with them? What activities, tv shows, places and people am I showing them that I love?  What am I by example teaching them to love?  Am I joyful or down trodden? Am I pursuing Godly interests or Worldly. Am I hopeful to my savior or worried all the time?   Again, my mind has been stretched. I am continuing to change the little things. I’d like to go through these next ten to thirteen years with my boys with as focused of a goal as I did the first ten. We set out the way we should go, and arrived here exactly where we wanted to be.  Time to set up the goals for the next ten. I’m finding out however, that the Lord would rather I  keep the same pace and page as the first ten, than to make a ton of changes now.  Praise be to the Lord, who really does want to guide us through this. 🙂 Thanks for reading my ramblings.