I had a cheery little conversation with one of my favorite people in Bend today.  It was centered around choirs – worship teams – Do Wop Girls as I like to call them.  Back to prior posts – I am earnestly asking the Lord to reveal any areas of falsehood in my thinking regarding the church.  He has quickly been peeling the layers back.  Today my friend asked about a church choir.  I responded that I love to sing – and I love to practice – but I really don’t like being up in front of people.  She urged me to answer why.  My initial response is just that its uncomfortable for me to be up on stage. I’m self conscious. Since about the 7th grade I’ve always worried about my feet and my shoes.  Someone near to me made a comment that my shoes weren’t as pretty as the rest of the girls – mostly due to the fact that size 10 and 11 arn’t that cute.  . . . The second fact goes to the fact that I don’t feel polished, well dressed. More like cleaned up house wife.  She didn’t buy it. Kept pushing.  I prayed, quickly, and thought back.  LIke a flood it hit me.  The contracts.  When we  were on worship teams in the past we had to fill out contracts.  Stating various things about our personal lives, promising to be kept at a higher standard. That once we were on stage – we were to be a roll model.  Movies, Beverages, speech, relationships – all had to be above bar. No margin of error.  Not just one church –but many. It hit me today at how wrong that is.  Holding those on the stage to a higher standard than anyone in the rows of seats.  I think it is where alot of the church problems are coming from right now.  Expecting the behavior of those on stage to be so much different than the congregation.   For any number of denominations – those standards change – dress, speech, parenting, media, technology, food, beverages, entertainment – all different angles of righteousness standards.  How can anyone hold up to all areas of all of the “christian” principles?  Why can’t we just be growing humans who love the Lord and trust Him and follow after him.  Passionately.  Thats what I want on stage. People who show that they are ordinary people who passionately love to worship the Lord and they could care less who is watching – maybe by their example – encourage the congregation to cut loose and smile as well.  

I do have a valid insecurity of dress and frumpiness, size, and crazy hair, no sense of rhythm, a dislike of clapping – I am going to pray that the Lord changes my sight to see what He sees – and give the choir a try again.

I am thankful for wonderful friends that the Lord has put in my life today to breath truth into my heart! I have the book and academic knowledge of who God is – and what He desires – but the strongholds have a tight grip on my heart as well.

So if you are one of the few people who read my verbose chatter – Please pray for me – this journey is starting to get exciting.