Ya need to ask.  Ya need to know.  What’s the motivation? What’s the result? and What are the rules?  What will it want from me? What will I need to change?  How will my family respond? Who will it help? Who will it hurt? How involved am I willing to get?

In a church – a gathering – a home group – a cultural gathering – a book club – a study – Does it need a Messiah? Does it need a Savior? Who is it? It is Jesus? Is it all about the God of Abraham? Does it make you long to know who He was in the Old Testament? Does it create a longing to learn more about His Character? Does it make you long to hear about His People?  Is His Son the Savior that it points to?  Is the salvation free? Is it given freely when you don’t deserve it? Are you going to work to earn it? Are you going to work to earn the favor of the group?

Does the group want to change you? Does the leader want control over you? Over your thoughts? Over your relationships? Over your actions?  Do you have to submit to anyone other than God’s Son? Do you have to submit to anyone other than your spouse?  Are there requirements for being in the group? Would you be kicked out of the group if you started – or if they learned of  – a personal habit that they disagreed with? Are there deal breakers for being in the group?

Do you want to align yourself with a group where you have to think more about living a life pleasing to the congregation than a life pleasing to the Lord?  If you felt that you needed to serve God in a way they disapproved of would you say no to God?

These are the questions I would ask – if I was wondering if my current situation was cult like. What choices have I made – what alliances have I formed, and what allegiances have I given – and how would my standing in God’s Grace change if I broke any of these?

My story –

I was raised in a Christian Southern Baptist Home mixed with some Assembly of God and in a Military environment. I was raised in strict standards to be completely submissive and unquestioning to my parents.  I was raised to quickly take in a new environment – and fit in – to get along and have friends as we moved from place to place.  Through no fault of any one person – and then also through my own training at Boot Camp and further in the military – I was raised to follow a leader – un questioningly – and with strong loyalties.  I married a military husband. My brain works best if someone is in charge just telling me what to do.  I will do it to the letter – fully – completely – and probably better than most.  I’ve been called obsessive compulsive.  Retentive.  Driven.  Focused.  Vivacious. All of these – I do not see as negative remarks – mostly true – and they can be used for good. 🙂

The past year and a half I have been questioning church – leadership – groups.  I have been questioning all of the books and people who want to add something to Faith and Grace and Mercy.  We started attending a congregation that asked the same questions.  Although it is deeply rooted in teaching the Gospel, the Bible, and Love – it does not have a focus on teaching how to do religion or how to act like a "Christian" or how to be a better church member. The leadership does not claim to be the Holy Spirit in your life – they only want you to be in the Word – and in Prayer – and then  in obedience to what you hear from the Spirit and read from the Bible and be available to opportunities when Christ puts them at your feet.

You might imagine that to my current group of rule loving religion seeking friends – they do not quite approve of my choice. A few do – many have strong feelings against it.  Most that have the strongest feelings have never met the congregation and have not seen the transformation in so many lives.  They heard a tag line a couple of years back of "The church for people who don’t like church" and translated it to "The gathering of people who don’t like truth", instead of my thoughts of "The gathering of people who just want to simply love and live for Christ and not man".

Through this process – Piece by Piece – the Lord has broken down the crazy walls of submission and following that was instilled into me as a youth.  I now have a huge submission to my husband alone.  I have a love and devotion to my mom and dad – but submit to my husband. I honor my friends – but do not follow them – and I am not afraid of speaking my own truth – instead of being a Yes Girl to all that they say.  Which – has made a few of the acquaintances fall away.

The last straw that the Lord seemed to want me to deal with was in the area of Church Leadership.  He wanted to show me to not be afraid to be involved – but to be willing and honored to be a part of the drive that goes forward.  To do that – He showed me unhealthy areas in my past where I choose to follow a man – instead of Him. Where I was more concerned about what the Elders thought – than of what God thought – and where  – when man left – I felt as if a part of me left too.  While I worked this out – I wrote and journaled about it here.  There are specific instances that the Lord brought to my memory – of where I made a choice – and then didn’t realize that I was making a life long directional choice of how to relate to peers and leadership.  Praise God that He wants us for Himself! He is a jealous God. He wants us wrapped up in Him – and He will never leave us!

I have had alot of requests now for answers to their personal questions with Tony Cunningham, and now with Scott McCullough – with Radiant Life Church.  If you are reading this for that – I don’t think I have answers for you. Its your journey.  You could take out these names and add any other dynamic church teachers – people who are charismatic – outgoing – full of energy and passion. Add anyone from High School/College/Work that you admire – and want to be respected by.  You make your choices to follow them – you make your choices to wear or drive or live in such a way that you think lines up to their admiration.

I believe – that if I had coffee with Tony or Scott or any other handful of the pastors that I admire and who taught me through the years – that they would be pleased with my life and with my family. I am living in a way that they thought would be good for my life – but I am no longer doing it for them.  My Savior – who speaks truth to my heart – gives me direction each day. I follow His Truth. I am accountable to Him alone. I have a heart for the lost to know the peace and joy that I know. I have a passion for loving the unlovable.

The Lord has put a strong desire in my heart to share the Gospel of Salvation with everyone I meet.  That the Christ has come – to seek and save the lost. That he was in the form of Jesus – and that his death covered all of our sins – past and present. That sin is real – and it separates us from God – but that Christ covers.  I have a passion lately to make sure people know that certain sins are not greater than others.  That God hates gossip and slander as much has he hates  murder. I do know the biggest thing that He hates – and that He will never be able to tolerate – Accepting any thing – or any other way – to salvation than Christ Crucified.  Works – religion – anything added takes away from from the marvelous gift of his life broken for you – of his blood as the remission of your sins – as the Lamb – the last and final sacrifice – This should be what people fear – adding to His Gospel.

So – unless the Lord leads – this will be my last long long post on what I think about the Church.  On what I think about my church experiences in the past – and what I think about my past leaders. Each one played a part in who I am today – and the Lord is seeing fit to keep and take away from that form – potters clay in His hands. What a joy. What a joy that His sacrifice, His grace is sufficient for me. I am no longer in bondage or fear of this world or the enemies that would like to destroy my faith.  I am in total peace and comfort and security in the God that created me.

Does my life lived out look different than yours – Most Likely Yes.  Do my thoughts and conclusion ring different than yours – They Usually Do.  Am I right? Am I wrong?  I am in truth to what the Holy Spirit speaks to my heart. I strive for that every day.  Praise God that we are made in His image – in the Likeness of Him – and not in the likeness of each other.  This Sunday I heard that we are made Unique. With Unique Characteristics.  We can use those traits for wrong, or we can  use those unique passions/or shyness, crafty, or administrative, relationships or music, to Honor Him – used uniquely for His Service – in one mind – through Christ. 🙂