So – you know those crazy times – when you honestly pray about your life – and ask the Lord – "What areas in my life keep me from your best for me? What areas in my life are causing problems for me – that I’m responsible – or in other words – where is the Sin in my life?" I hope you take time to ask the Lord this – He wants to keep molding you! Anyways, I did this this week – in earnest – and quickly heard that my temper was an issue. Temper? I don’t have a temper? (stamping foot) Oh. Sorry. So not a temper per say – but reactions – of frustration and anxiety. Anxiety that grips my ribs and pulls them to my spine. I wrote previously about my challenge to look at the differences of Expectant, Expectation, Expectancy. I had a conversation with Hubby on the way to Portland talking to him about my self challenge to work on living in expectancy that through out my day God has a Plan. I can set up a schedule – but He is in Control.
Dumb thought. 🙂 Seriously. If you sign up for a community college course on art or photography – you get to read the brochure – think about your schedule – pay in advance – then show up to class. Ready – with a book/ paper/pencil. God’s Community College doesn’t really work that way. He Reveals – You Accept – Whammo – you’re in training. Our five minute appointment turned into to being an all day appointment with the thought that any second now – you’d be called next. Leaving the VA hospital at 5pm wasn’t the plan. Getting to the Lego store to hear that 200 sets of the 8014’s that the boys wanted came in a few days ago – and they sold the last one yesterday – wasn’t in the plan. Getting to the restaurant to spend thirty dollars on fancy burgers that turned out to be microwaved meat filler – ya, that wasn’t in the plan. Getting to the motel at 8pm after being in the car since 9am – to have the front desk call and say – can you keep it down – the person under you is trying to get to sleep and complained – after being in the motel and in the in room hot tub for about 20 minutes. Ya – not in the plan. Each time – I saw it. I knew I was training. I knew to keep joyful, keep my cool, look for opportunities that were around to spread God’s Love and not my frustration. But Good Gravy. The boys put out their bed and its seriously an ancient old wired 4 inch thick mattress that was beat up and chewed up and the boys ended up sleeping on the floor. Sigh. More training. I talked to hubby about it on the way to the VA the next morning to get our Travel Reimbursement. . . . When God wants to train you He doesn’t usually give you time to look at the class schedule and have you say Weds at 4:30 2ce a month – ya that sounds good to me. 🙂
Today was wonderful though – a great trip to the zoo on a clear blue sky day – a trip around down town and a driving tour of the PGE staduim – looking at great architecture – soaking in the city sites – walking through the zoo on a Weds Morning – at feeding time – with zero crowds – was AWESOME. We got to watch the new baby elephant – the penguins take fish from the keeper – the polar bears wrestling and playing ball – the monkeys playing swords with celery sticks – the bears napping up close – the tigers and cougars swishing a happy tail at us – perfect timing and temperatures – and ran into a friend from Coos Bay/Coquille by the primate opening – Awesome. Perfect ride home. Perfect rest stops. Perfect.
So – I’m still wondering – since I"m a word person – whats my answer? I know not to expect that each day walking in the Lord will be a perfect wonderfully well orchestrated day – Because I seldom get those. I also know that the off beat cranky waitress bad food long lines bad motel days are also His best for me on that day. I’m working on the frustration. The anxiety. It comes naturally. But so does the smile after watching a baby coo. I’ll keep praying out the anxiety from being out of control . . . I’ll keep you posted.