Oh the joy of the discoveries of your child. Each new development and strength and skill gained makes the next discovery that much more intense and vibrant. In science and history and language and math it is nothing short of thrilling to be there for each new step. Each door opened to growing in maturity. Watching as they gain understanding of the Word and of who God is and His faithfulness.  Long rides in the car talking about relationships with God and friends.  The warmth surrounds your heart and it swells to where the ribs can not contain it. 

But then another door opens and new understanding dawns, and the heart that was once pounding in the feast of joy is cut, right through, until you can’t even feel it beating. I thought I was prepared for puberty. I thought we had done the research, talked to all the right moms, consulted all the right dads, read all the right books, safeguarded all the right areas, protected their time and chose their friends.  But in the end  – or for us the dawn of beginning – they are born men, young men, with the strong desire to become a man, to have a family, and to find a wife.  It’s just that at 11 – it’s  wrapped in the dawning of puberty.

So  – my darling little son – who as of last week still thought girl to be useless and full of germs – now thinks that they are beautiful and full of wonder.  So much so that he found access to ways to see more of that wonder – nothing hard core mind you – but enough to loose a sense of innocence.  It comes as no surprise that the Lord has been leading both Darren and I to step up and start some of this training. That He has put some families right in our track to guide us. That we ordered the Squire and the Scroll and are set to do it as a unit study over the summer. That Darren is reading Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle, and that we purchased a new personal bible for the young man yesterday.

I know and see that God had all these things in place on the day that we would find out the 11 yr old has crossed over into pre-teen. I am overjoyed and thankful that his wandering eye did not wander very far or to things he had not really seen before – just the shock that this time he was seeking it out instead of covering his eyes in disgust.  Last night I felt attacked by the enemy. A part of the battle lost  – the first onslaught of his attack  – and as ready as I thought we were – I wasn’t.  This morning I am strengthened from long talks with friends into the night last night – and strengthened by my Lord’s provision of resources and His protection during the first battle – but my heart still hurts and wonders.  I am glad that I have experience letting go to God and to my  Husband  – knowing that as the mom  – I will most likely not be the one to get him through this.  And I think that is what hurts the most.  I will not be the key person to teach him the things that he will need to know in the coming years. Academics are great  – he has plenty of time to learn of history and science and math – there is no battle keeping him from learning to succeed. The battle comes from learning and yearning  to be a warrior for the King. I am praying that his desire will be to serve my King – in a new way  – he is equipped – I do believe he will stand strong.