What is our responsibility in Words?

I read a great post today given to use by Ann Voskamp – written by The Flourishing Mother – http://flourishingmother.blogspot.com/2010/12/words.html about Words. OR the lack there of – She begins with “I have been hurt more by words not spoken than actually said to me.”

I ask my question to the many ladies that read this blog – the majority of you I do not get the pleasure of sharing tea with – only words –

How you deal with people in your life that want to share tea and not words? Share social networking site status updates but not the details of their life?

I am dealing with two specific instances in my “in real life” friends – where I know that I am the one talking – and they are the one guarding. I have been praying about what God would have me to do – my responsibility – in pulling out their words  – they are going through a struggle – is it my responsibility to get them to share their words?

I have stopped scrolling through FB for the past couple of weeks. It has been cleansing to not spend time trying to figure out what friends mean in their posts. I called  friend this week who posted a half informative status report – I have another friend that posted a “if you really knew me you would understand what this means” post. Why do ladies do that on FB? If you don’t want your 210 closest “friends” to know, why post half of it?

I am asking – really seeking – this week – and into the new year – how to merge the desire to be a servant, an encourager, a woman of God  – with social networking. I am looking at my desire to be a helper and offer hospitality – when there is no physical way to meet that online need. 

I purchased a new notebook this week – a new beautiful journal – to write when the Lord allows me to see a half spoken need – a friend with a job change, a friend who is moving, a child who was hurt – but I do not have the time to call and catch up, and allow those events to affect my mood or temper or time away from my responsibilities of the day at home.

This is not merely a FB question – as that answer is easy enough and I have traveled that easy solution twice this year – turn it off. De-activate – my husband doesn’t ever read or respond to FB, my grandmother never used it – Write more letters to communicate, call more. That’s not really the point of my question to you.

If you are reading this blog and have a blog – the question really isn’t about you – but for you to help me sort out. My bloggy friends share their lives, photos, hurts, frustrations, victories – I think it is why I feel close to “friends” I have yet to meet in this world.

My question is about those around me – going through struggles with closed lips. I a wife of a struggling husband and two young boys – my ministry being my home – and a broken heart for the wounded – who do not seem to display my joy and hope.

There seems to be a tendency – to share a bit – but not a whole – and I don’t know what is expected of me – am I supposed to pull it out? Am I supposed to respect space? Am I supposed to care? Am I supposed to be apathetic? How do you respond?

For now – I am changing my prayer journal – and giving it to the Father –

If you are a chatty online friend – how do you deal with the closed lips of those in your every day life? If you are one of my every day life friends – I offer to you – come, sit by my fire – tell me your story – let us kneel before the Father and give him our yokes. Silence only heaps weight on those burdens that you bear.

If you are a silent lurker of this site – with a silent need  – and no way to blog – or fear of public display – I encourage you to write me a note – I would love to exchange private emails to encourage you! pebblekeeper@gmail.com


About +Angie Wright

The Transparent Thoughts of an Unschooling Family of Boys - Answering the question - What DO you DO all day?
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7 Responses to What is our responsibility in Words?

  1. As you know, I am a words person. But I’ve learned which words to share and which to work on by myself. I also do not like too many of those half formed statuses on FB. I will a hide a person if I am wondering what they mean too often. I agree with the other comments about FB. I look at FB as a *positive* place. To share fun and happy things or big news that you are willing to share with everyone. It is not a place for big, painful issues or political or religious views (I don’t mean mentioning and praising God, I mean believe as I believe or else type stuff) and certainly not a place for intimate details (ugh the young girls make me cringe).

    And sometimes tea is not the place for big, painful issues either and maybe not for any of the other issues that are not for FB — unless you know someone really well. These days, I have to know someone pretty well to share more than I’m willing to share on FB and my blog. It’s always dissappointing when you do share a personal struggle and later hear the person you shared with with have a round-about opinion about it. Then I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. Or there are the gossipers to wonder about. I like to get to know someone in my town/social circle for a long time now before I share personal things. On-line friends are easier to share with since we don’t have mutal friends. Yeah, I’m very careful with what I share at tea these days. I’m not hiding it. I have God and my husband to talk about it with…and many things are not solved from simply sharing it, they just get more complicated sometimes.

    And we can still pray for someone without knowing specific details. God knows.

    • pebblekeeper says:

      Thanks Cori! After I read these posts and wrote mine, and took in the responses – I found it was more of an issue in my own heart. Isn’t it always? Little by Little the Lord keeps refining me. I think – which is why – I love hearing from others, like yourself, to hear where people are learning and growing. I would be sad to think that my FB friends from high school think I’m still that same person. In many ways – yes – but my Joy, my Hope, my Peace is so much more – growing every day. 🙂

  2. mari says:

    Great post. And I too have seen this on fb. It seems that those half status things are cries for help, and to see whom is going to respond to it, depending on what it is. If its a childish thing, like a high schooly drama thing then i would ignor it, depends on the person and the status. As for the if you knew me post, that is childish, of course noone can know anyone without spending actual personal time with that person, kwim. I met a girl in HS and chilled with her just a few times before realizing it just wasn’t going to be a good thing. Now we have found eachother on fb, and we have spoken on the phone and fb chat every single day because she is a hot mess with her mental disorders and now she is saying I have come back into her life suddenly at the right moment at the right time and I am saving her even though we are long distance from eachother. I am happy I have come into contact with her now because she is going through lots of things and I like to help those whom are in need of help, I feel its my natural calling.

    btw new follower/subscriber here from hip HS hop, come check us out thankx. http://www.sprinkle-of-fun.blogspot.com

  3. Susan Evans says:

    First I share personal struggles in my own life, and I’m not afraid to cry or be vulnerable. Secondly, I ask open-ended questions. Then I ask a further question relating to what they just said. Third, I will say, “How can I pray for you? I would love to pray for something specific so that God can actually change your situation.” Usually the women will open up.

  4. Interesting question/dilemma.
    Though I am not talkative/sharing in real life and would be fine to share tea and not too many personal words and thoughts, etc…. I would not do a half-informative status on FB like the ones you have mentioned… because they would lead to questions- personal ones- that I would feel obliged to answer because I half posted. plus it seems silly, immature to post something like “if you were my friend you’d know what is going on/understand”

    People that post half-info like that, I think do it because they want a conversation about it, they want people to ask them about it. Like a High School drama-game.

    Lately I have noticed a LOT of ‘adults’ act like they are still in High School.

  5. Andrea says:

    so beautiful and encouraging. I love your heart. I think it is our duty as a Christian to seek and find those “half-spoken” needs as you so eloquently put. your post gives me encouragement that there are those who are willing to reach out intentionally and be unafraid of what God would have us do. Thank you.

    • pebblekeeper says:

      I am glad I blogged about this, off the cuff, as a response to your post this morning. Just typing out what I had been trying to sort out in my prayer life, always seems to help. I went to bed, took a 2 hour nap and woke refreshed. I read Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest – “Nothing has power over the man who has fought out the battle before God and won there. – the losses – The reason I do not win – is when I try to win it in the external world first” I think people need to wrestle more with the Lord, than chat with the girls – to win the battles. His second quote of “If we trust to our wits instead of to God, we will produce consequences for which God will hold us responsible for.” I feel released from the need to take care of those who are creating their own consequences – using your wits on social networks and half written texts – Not my responsibility. And then I read 2 Cor 5 an 6 – on reconciliation – and I feel the need to confess sin – of making this between me and the person – instead of only between God and the person. Christ reconciles Himself to man – Man is to be reconciled to God. So – my responsibility – in the ministry of reconciliation – is giving the right message of reconciliation – the Message of on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God – so – I will take an active role – in responding with – Have you taken this to the Father? Have you prayed this out? Before I remotely try to give advice – on how to move forward – if I feel laid on my heart with a message of grace and peace. Time with the Lord. It’s a good thing. Thank you for your post that sparked me to wrestle with the Lord. 🙂

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