Are you consumed?

Have you ever had the feeling of being full, consumed, inundated, surrounded, weighted down by circumstances or people – and yet feel empty, void, and at the end of your rope at the same time? It is not a fun place to be. The brain starts working overtime to try to figure out how to lift the burden and climb out of the pit. Choices. Personal choices. Do I get rid of this or that? Do I stop this activity? What if this was eliminated? I don’t think it matters the set of circumstances – just know I’ve been there this week and so have a couple of my friends.

This Saturday I hit a wall. The end of trying. The end of hope. My mind started to draw lines into the sand. I will go this far but no farther. I will not allow this to happen any more. I will not be involved with this activity any more. I will not. I can not. I won’t.

I had gone so far as to set up alternative situations to get me out of the pit. In my own physical effort and nearby resources, I had found escape. I was ready to launch my plan.

And then.

I got a text from a friend.  “See you tonight?”    “What’s tonight?”  “The all community Thanksgiving Worship Service.” Thud. Should I go? It has been fantastic every year. All the churches gathering together to worship and give thanks in praise. Yes. It will be a first step to getting out of the pit. I’ll climb out by worshiping.

We warmed up with a couple of songs. I was feeling the joy of being with like minded friends from various congregations. Smiles. Hugs. Singing to the Lord. Oh. This feels good. It makes the decisions I made today feel so much better. I am So glad that I came to Worship God and Feel Better!!! My God is So Good! I am surrounded by friends! I am So Good. (Are you anticipating another thud here?)

See, we’ve been studying Psalm 103 with Doorposts all month long. (Feel free to jump in anytime!) We’ve been deep into word studies. 

Bless – To praise and adore and worship.  The LORD.

With my Soul. With ALL that is within me – I will worship, praise, adore his holy Name, Jehovah, Jesus, Spirit.

And we start to sing 10,000 reasons by Mat Redman (Youtube link below).

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning. It’s time to sing your Song again. And whatever may pass and whatever comes before me.   Let me be singing when the evening comes.

My heart stirs. Evening has come, and I am still in the pit. Even with all of my plans to solve my own problems tomorrow. I am singing. I am pulling love and support from people. But I am not really, not really praising the Lord with All that is within me. I’m using praise as a cozy fluffy comforter to cover up my low heart.

Suddenly a list of “I Won’ts”  fly by through my mind. I count the the lines drawn in the sand today. I won’t. I can’t. I don’t want to. I won’t have it.  – How? How could I live a whole couple of days filling a bucket full of what I just Won’t Do – and still praise the Lord with All that is within me?

As I saw myself standing at the bottom of the pit, I looked for a ladder but it wasn’t lowered. I just started seeing all of the junk lifted out, taking the burden off of my head. And then I felt the urge to command. I command this to leave. I command that to go. In the Name of Jesus I pull your Kingdom to surround this event and this circumstance. I will not forget that you Forgive our iniquities. You heal diseases. YOU redeem my life from destruction. YOU redeem.

Oh and the tears came. I’ve been reading these words, sometimes 2-3 times a day, for the past month. He crowns me with lovingkindness and tender mercies. And I felt myself lifted. Elevated out of the pit. No ladder to climb myself.  In my weakest willy nilly state, His army lifted me out of the pit of despair. The words of the Psalm flooded over me. 

I started using it like a command. As I could imagine David giving. I command my soul to bless the Lord. I command all ALL all that is within me to bless his holy name. I leave no room for any other thought than to remember what He has done and what He wants to do for our lives.

And I sang. Oh I sang. And I feel a bit sorry for the 3-17 rows in front of me. I felt like I was not touching the floor. It felt like fire and heat coming out of my hands. I scanned the audience to see who else was living in fear and had lost hope in their circumstances. I reached my hands out to them and prayed and blessed the Lord for them. It really was an intense amazing experience.

All the decisions I had thought were firm earlier in the day were laid aside. Oh, they were some good plans. Maybe even some necessary plans. I will move them to the side, until the Lord directs my path and they are the only tools I have to cover come. But for now, I will rest. This morning, I sit, quietly by the lake, with my coffee cup and this keyboard and you my friends. I will allow Christ to be my overcomer. I will sit patiently and wait upon Him.

Yesterday morning I was prayed over by the youth group men and a few of my boys’ mentors. They do not know my heart. They do not know what I was facing. I just stood for prayer and they came. They gave me direct words of confirmation. Restoration. Hope. A wall breaking down. Light glowing under your feet. Light coming through the crack in the wall ready to break down.  I thought it was confirmation that my decisions were going to bring what I wanted. This morning, after reflection, I can see they were prophesying what would happen to me at that Thanksgiving Worship Service.

I serve a God who wants relationship with me. I praise Him. I am so thankful he sent the Holy Spirit and we live in an age where we get to be a part of the Kingdom. If you ever have any questions about the Holy Spirit, the Kingdom, Freedom or anything I speak of here, Please write, or FB, or msg. Ask for my Phone Number, and I’d love to chat.

A new thought from my study – as I say – May the Lord Bless You, My whole heart is filled with the vision of the Angels praising God, of God Praising You, adoring you, bringing honor to you – So I don’t say it lightly – May God Bless You today for taking the time to read my silly blog, say a prayer for our family, and thank you for joining me in the Kingdom.

[[A Psalm of David.]] Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy
   name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and
   tender mercies;
Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.



About +Angie Wright

The Transparent Thoughts of an Unschooling Family of Boys - Answering the question - What DO you DO all day?
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4 Responses to Are you consumed?

  1. cathy says:

    Very timely! Life can get so crazy as we settle in to schooling and gearing up for the holidays.

  2. heidi says:

    I love this. And I. Get. It. I too woke up about a week ago commanding my soul to bless the Lord.

  3. Beautiful struggle that we all have! Thank your for sharing! I so miss the honesty and love and music at the Coast–and you Angie!

  4. Oh, wow! I have felt burdened, and overwhelmed and *too busy* this school year. I have wondered if I need to back out of anything, but haven’t felt any peace about backing out of any of the things. Bless you! I can so relate to where you were standing before the Lord broke in for you.

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