I thought about sharing my journey on my Ponderings Page – but – Since it’s Saturday, and we’re all just hanging out – I thought I’d share here.
For the past several months I have felt like I’m “at the end of my rope”. I’m not really sure what that means, or how to buy more rope, or just let go of the rope – or or or I have no clue. But it is the only way I could describe it.
I do the things I know to do – I do them with a smile – and we are functioning day by day. But the Joyful Desire to Leap up and Do it hasn’t been felt in a while.
This past week I finally went in to get some blood work done. (Notice above photo snowish frozen spots, trees to the east are coated with white, but not in this shot, this is Snow on Cascade Head. In Late February. Crazy Weather!) The blood results came back that my medication for my thyroid has not been working, and that I have basically zero Vitamin D, its low, even for being low, but that my heart is healthy, sugars, anything “poor health” is really vibrant. Knowing this alone – that I wasn’t sick, and my body wasn’t failing me – really sort of chippered me up.
I’ve quit having anxiety attacks this week. The kind that leave your heart physically sore. They have vanished with the knowledge of what is going on. The Dr. changed my medications – and said I should feel like my old self in 4-6 weeks.
I have started “doing” more – back to daily out door walks. More sprucing up of the house, and giving myself permission to nap in the afternoon. Rest. Stop. I have had this crazy emotional imbalance – pushing myself to do things, and not understanding why my body really didn’t want to, or why I was making myself want to, hard to explain. But now, knowing about my thyroid being out of whack again, it makes sense. The past week or two, I have been putting one step forward, knowing the physical depression is there, but not feeling guilty for it – not feeling bad for feeling bad – and I can’t tell you how much that little part alone has lifted my spirits.
These photos were taken this morning – on a walk with Nate. We have not gone out on morning walks for several weeks. Partly due to rain – but mostly due to me being in my PJ’s til 1 most days. I am setting a goal to be out of the cozy covers early in the morning, giving myself permission to rest later if needed.
I know – through past experience – that gradually the hormone levels will even out – and I will have a fantastic day – and then realize – Hey, I REALLLLY enjoyed today, not just “had” a great day. Cause – we really do have a lot of great days.
So this morning we walked, sipped a mocha, visited a books store and a bakery for fresh sour dough bread – all before 9:30. The waves were amazing. The snow on Cascade Head was a fun discovery – and I have a full day planned with out of town guests and my neighbor – the boys are there now working on a burn pile. The joy of community.
So I thank you my readers – if you haven’t quite seen the spunk and joy in my posts – and are still reading – Thanks. I think I’ll be back to my regular self real soon!